Miss Ophelia's Metaverse Manners: How to be a Polite Narcissist & Handle a Sex-Crazed Second Life Partner

Iris Ophelia's ongoing take on etiquette & ethics in virtual spaces  

This week we have a mixed bag of Metaverse Manner questions, so let's get right to it...

I spend a long time making my avatar look perfect, but it seems like noone notices. I compliment people constantly, but I never get any in return. Are my friends rude or am I expecting too much?

                    - Fashion Victim

Last week when I wrote about three things that I hate about virtual fashion, I linked to a post from Coco and Creme about fashion as a competitive sport, and I would really encourage you to read it. The issue here is not that your friends are rude or that you're expecting too much, it's that you're doing this for all the wrong reasons. Fashion is such an investment of time and money that doing it for anyone but yourself is a tremendous waste. Look perfect for your own satisfaction and enjoyment, then the only approval you'll need is your own.

Keep reading for two more digital dilemmas!

Logging in have found my girlfriend in a 3way or sex with another guy. She tells me what she is doing. Part of me feels hurt the other part of me says she’s just playing “a game” with other avi’s. How should I respond? Am I being a sap to still be friends with her?

                    - Anonymous

Ouch! Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend. In any relationship (especially an online one) it's important that everyone involved is on the same page. If one partner is serious about the commitment but the other just wants to treat it like a game, both are wasting their time. You and your girlfriend both need to find someone who shares your expectations for what a virtual relationship should be. If your feelings and her amourous nature can't be changed, you're better off ending it now so you can both find more compatible partners.

What's an appropriate way to react to haters in a store? When I'm out with my SL kiddos and people are bitches, I generally just bitch back and lower myself to their level!

                    - Kaitey

I can't say it often enough: Mute mute mute! Whenever someone is going out of their way to bother you, mute them and move on. You don't need to respond at all. We often feel like we need to put people in their place or "win" against them somehow, but the truth is that it's almost impossible to change someone's opinions through an anonymous internet screaming match. It's not even worth the effort to engage, so mute them and move on with your virtual life.

Submit your virtual etiquette dilemmas to ophelia.iris [at] gmail [dot] com, or submit anonymously to the Metaverse Manners Formspring.  Be sure to include a pseudonym (i.e. "WTF from the Welcome Area") so you know when I'm addressing your query!

Iris Ophelia (Janine Hawkins IRL) has been featured in the New York Times and has spoken about SL-based design at the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan and with pop culture/fashion maven Johanna Blakley.

Comments

[Arcadia Codesmith]

It can be difficult and painful for a monogamous person to come to terms with a polyamorous partner, but it is possible.

But it won't work unless the primary relationship is built on a rock-solid foundation of trust, love, communication and respect.

Online or offline, disregarding another person's feelings is a rotten game to play.

[foneco zuzu]

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, as Arcadia said and well.
Without it, there is no way any relationship, be on second life or in the real world, can suceed!

[Nexii Malthus]

Brilliant responses and I am absolutely going to have to quote this tidbit into my quote cache: "Fashion is such an investment of time and money that doing it for anyone but yourself is a tremendous waste. Look perfect for your own satisfaction and enjoyment, then the only approval you'll need is your own."