The Joy of Rezbian Sex (Updated)

Kit and her SL lover Lanna (portrait by Delilah Karas)

"Rezbian" is Kit Meredith's elegant term for a phenomenon I've meant to write about for quite some time: women who are heterosexual in real life, but partnered with another female avatar in Second Life.  (Or if you care for a cleverer definition:  girls who like boys who like girls who like boys.)  Recently, Kit explored it from her personal vantage, so I should let her have the floor:

I’m straight in RL. I’ve never even had one of those college “experimental periods” or anything. I’m a firm believer in the notion that our sexualities are hard-wired into our brains... But, here I am, romantically involved with a woman in SL.

Kit's totally comfortable enjoying that paradox, but she's also curious why it's so prevalant.  After all, as she notes, lesbian couples in SL are disproportionately common, compared to their real world numbers. Why?  She suggests a few explanations:

- SL is perceived as gay-friendly, and consequently, there are likely more homosexuals in Second Life, than other online worlds. 
- SL offers a safe place for straight women to experiment and play with their sexuality. 
- In many lesbian couples, one of them is actually a man in real life.  ("[S]ome [men] are playing a female avie for the express purpose of getting into a lesbian relationship for the free virtual porn. Others may have chosen a female persona for exploratory or other reasons, and are simply attracted to women, just like they are in real life.")

But none of these describe her personal motivations, Kit continues, for she has her own:

[I]t has to be the absence of the physical in SL that makes the difference.  For me, a lot of the attraction to men in RL is based on physical elements - there’s just a sense of protection, of being safe, that comes with being with a man... But see, none of that carries over into SL. There’s no reason for me to need to feel safe or protected, and procreation just isn’t a factor.

Here, instead, she's free to pursue a relationship that's based purely on spiritual and emotional needs, and because other women are more likely to be in sync with her on those fronts, that's where her attention naturally goes. 

This train of thought leads her to a final question that's doubly paradoxic:

"If my girlfriend decided to use a male avie for a while, shouldn’t I be attracted to that male avie?"

Read her answer, and all the rest of her utterly worthwhile reflections on the nature of metaverse love, on her blog.

Update, 11:15am:  I was hoping Kit would reply to reader Comments on this post, but as it turns out, she is otherwise, jubilantly occupied-- go here and extend your congrats!

Comments

[Cyn Vandeverre]

I am in support of anyone's feelings of love for another, but seriously, how many of us feel our RL male partners could physically protect us, when the chips are down? I'd probably end up protecting him, or at the very least, shoulder-to-shoulder. That aspect is one of the least significant, in this day and age.

[NotSayin]

As one of the male's that has a female Avie, I found an odd thing once I realized that love in SL is quite deep and quite real. I have a tendency to fall for the males that have female avatars as well.....
It's not constant, I have had a few Male AV loves, but much less common.

I think it really just boils down to being able to connect on a different level, since i am happily involved IRL, and not seeking anything other than online, I can enjoy a much more mental and emotional level in SL, even though I know hat my closest loves are/looklike IRL, it really has very little bearing on us in SL.

And yes they know me as well, I don;t keep secrets from loves.

Flings on the other hand....
:P

[Pappy Enoch]

Tu Mistophur Au's reeders:

If'n I wuz tu bekum a gal, du y'all reckon I'd git mee sum luck? This po' hillbilly stuk in the fake wirld o' Secund Life gots wun proberlum:

My handsum masculine vigor seems to skare the gals away frum mee.

I dun bought wun o' Wynx Whiplash's Go-rilla suits n' that ain't helped nun, nohow. Howsumdoever, it am a MALE go-rilla. Mebbe I shood go back tu git mee a lady go-rilla next time. By Jingo! That AM it!

[Phantom Republic]

What's even crazier is guys who like guys but are girls in SL who have relationships with girls who like guys. If I hadn't seen a couple of them myself, that statement would have confused me. It kinda still does.

[Phantom Republic]

What's even crazier is guys who like guys but are girls in SL who have relationships with girls who like guys. If I hadn't seen a couple of them myself, that statement would have confused me. It kinda still does.

[J. Serapis]

It's really not that strange, I think:
- everything in SL takes place within the relatively (some would argue extremely) narrow "bandwidth" of conciousness. There's no body language (because the rough body expressiveness of the avatars are completely unrelated to subconcious processes in the individuals behind them), no scent, no glint-in-the-eye, not even a tone of voice for most (who don't use voice chat).

It's all in the thinking brain, and that bugger has very little, if anything, to do with our relationships in real life (and a lot to do with screwing them up, but that's another story).

So the relationships in SL are the ones we choose using the thinking brain, which will be much more likely to relate to someone we can understand on an intellectual level - I know, for many the love of SL is really real (and their bodies, not their avatars, respond with elevated pulse and breath and all that...), but it is the kind of love that is born within the conciousness, not in the body, where most love in RL originates (we all know the feeling).

Then it kinda makes sense, to me anyway, that men connect more easily with men, and women with women - and also that real life sexuality has little or nothing to do with it, as there is no sex involved in SL (again, if the body sitting at the screen reacts, it's nothing like when it is placed physically and intimately with another body - it's more like reacting on a fantasy, or even a dream).

Then there's the (probably unwelcome) possibility that lesbian relationships between men-posing-as-women happen because girl-on-girl action looks good on the screen - they'd connect well too if they were posing as men both, but they'd probably not want to look at two guys copulating, and neither would probably want to be the girl if they posed as man-and-woman...