Casius' Guide To Getting The Ladies (Of SL)

If you're a gent who yearns for the glamorous women who frequent Phat Cat's Jazzy Blue Lounge and other classy locales, you're going to need expert advice, and Casius Masala is your man.  On his blog, he lays out the delicate art of virtual seduction, and judging by his battle plan, it's just as demanding a waltz as the analog version.  Starting with dressing your avatar:

Get ready to spend at least $40 US. Buy the best skin you can find, the best shape, the best hair and the best suit. This is a point of pride. An extra effort to find excellent men's shoes will be noticed for women notice shoes.

That's the part of your presentation you can purchase off the rack, but Casius recommends shaping up your Resident profile, too:  "Pay attention to your groups and your picks. Make sure they express what you want people to take away about you." And only then are you even ready to make your way to Phat's bar, waiting (yes, waiting) for a woman to approach.  And when she finally does, the dance really begins.  Read the rest of Casius' advice, so you know where to go from there.  (Hat tip: Lillie Yifu. Image credit:  Casius.)

Comments

[Luce Imaginary]

$40 to impress pretend people?

No thanks, I'll just wear a box.

[Laetizia Coronet]

Do you actually have to look like one half of '80s fluked duo Milli Vanilli to 'get' the ladies?
No wonder this character thinks Phat's is a classy location. Milli Vanilli were a fake, Phat's plays fake jazz... as Snoop Dogg would put it: 'add that sh*t up"...

[Margo]

Well, Luce.. that's what separates you from guys like my fiance!!

[Casius Masala]

Thank you for the kind mention. I just got your book from Amamzon!

Funny, I know more "pretend people" out side of Second Life than inside :)

[Margo]

LOL Laetizia... Kind of silly that you need to attack someone on the way they look.. You need to re-read his blog, cause you evidently didnt read it well enough the first time.

[Viajero Pugilist]

Ewww -- slimed by the smooth strategies of a pixelated Casanova-wannabe playing the "ladies" of SL.

Too bad the girls he's played are in large part fat & hairy 53 y.o. dudes unleashing their lifetimes of repressed womanhood or whatever within (and are playing him just as predictably and determinedly).

You don't have to be a prude to see SL pick-ups as fake inside of fake. It's just that while it's a little funny, reveling in the fake is more sad-empty. And terminally cliché.

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." -Vonnegut

[kittydoll oh]

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." -Vonnegut

From reading the article, Casius "pretends" to be a well dresed man who *listens* and doesn't hit on you on the first date. I am sure you guys would never like to turn into *that*!

[Laetizia Coronet]

Margo, I've read it in full - and unless someone is good at hiding tongues in cheeks, I don't see your point.
As for 'attacking on the way they look'... it's SL sweetie, you can alter the way you look in a million ways. It's not like he was born looking like one of the Vanilli dorks and can't help it, is it?

[Hamlet Au]

If I remember right, Milli Vanilli had long corn rows and wore bike pants. Be fair, Mr. Masala has more style than that.

Anyway, MV looked fine for cheesy popstars, the problem was, ironically enough, their performance was too virtual.

[Margo]

Laetizia.. the beauty of SL is that you dont have to "Look" like every other joe blow.. You can look however you want..I for one think he's hot, but since he is mine, I guess I am biased.

As far as his blog goes.. the point is that guys should be themselves.. but be the best they can be.

[casius masala]

Actually I don't sing any of my own songs, either.

:)

[Lillie Yifu]

"From reading the article, Casius "pretends" to be a well dresed man who *listens* and doesn't hit on you on the first date. I am sure you guys would never like to turn into *that*!"

What's more he actually *remembers* what he hears.

[Viajero Pugilist]

His blog entry shows he's enjoying the part of a *pretend* listener. The part of a "player" who takes notes so he can remember conversations the next day when he romances ladies who are either playing him right back, or are sadly needly for attention and affection from this fake playworld.

He's *pretending* to be a pickup artist. Yeah, I'll give you that he doesn't flash a noob dick -- a real gentleman he is.

If your personal standard is to go ga-ga over a dude who doesn't "hit on you on the first date" in SL (or RL), raise your standards. Much higher. And watch out for guys in "excellent men's shoes".

[Margo]

Viajero.....LMAO You don't have a clue!!!

[Viajero Pugilist]

Margo.....LMAO Sorry to burst your bubble!!!

[Margo]

LOL You arent bursting my bubble honey!.. You dont know this guy... I do. If you think you can do so much better.. write your own blog on it. Lets see how you stack up.

[Casius Masala]

The overall direction of the article might seem very cynical, I admit. I am a cynical guy. However, I assume that people go to a place like Phats alone to meet other people. To have a conversation and a dance. The article points out that how you look and how you present yourself via your profile and your appearance will make a difference. I think this is a fairly common sense observation. Phats has a dress code anyway, so you might as well dress your best.

I am not "playing" a pick up artist. I don't pick up girls on Second Life. I say so in the article.

I do make sure I listen. In the article I describe how I ask questions and draw a lady into a conversation. For those to whom this is a natural skill, they need no such instruction.

It's true that this is not describing a "natural" casual encounter. Keep in mind that Phats is a place where singles go to meet - a somewhat deliberate environment already. One is not there by accident and you need someone else to dance with. I agree that it may not be the "classiest" place in SL, but it is one of the most popular places to meet people.

Not unlike a job fair. When you wear nice clothes to a job interview (assuming you do) is that "playing" a good hire? Or is looking your best and working to hold up your side of the conversation a sign of respect?

In my opinion women already do watch out for guys in "excellent men's shoes" - but not in the way you think they do. I think one should be oneself, but be the *best* self you can be.

I completely understand that the entire scene might be repugnant to many. Many people find "singles scenes" impersonal and artificial. Other people enjoy dressing up and meeting others.

[Viajero Pugilist]

LOL I choose not to compete in that game honey! All I have to go on is his blog entry, which very clearly lays out his philosophy and his m.o.

[Margo]

Sorry Viajero... I'm taken by a great guy.

[Viajero Pugilist]

"...While dancing I ask her to tell me her tale of a broken heart. If she does not have one then she is very new indeed or does not cast her net for romance in Second Life. In that case, we may have little in common. I let her talk. I ask questions. When I tell her something I offer a tiny apology for talking about myself too much and then I listen some more. If she needs to go before I do, and does not offer to add me to her contacts, I do not pursue the point. I can cut and paste her name in a notecard if I want to remember it. Then I can IM her the next day and it will be more of a surprise. If it's obvious we are both having a good time I will invite her and talk about a possible second adventure so that we both have something to think about."

Methinks thou doth protest too much. All's I'm sayin' is: cheeeeezy! But I agree that if you like cheeze, feast 'til you puke, then have some more.

[Casius Masala]

Cheeeeezy! Exactly!

[Viajero Pugilist]

Agreed :)

[Margo]

**I love cheese**

[Tymmerie Thorne]

I know Casius as a friend and his confidence, thoughtfulness, respect for women and generosity all come through no matter what he does. He is Classy with a capital C. All he has done is outline some things that come naturally to him along with a conversational line (the broken heart story) that gets a woman to think about the quality of relationships she desires. The story did not make me think cheesy - it made me think wow here is a guy who wants to know something deep about me. It also was the type of question that made me think about what I wanted in a relationship. Casius has never come across as a game player to me. He is a charming man to be sure - but you cannot be truly charming without genuine character and ethics to back it up. Casius displays those qualities in droves. Men could do a lot worse than follow this well-spoken man's advice. And Ladies, if you are falling for a man smart enough to follow Casius' advice, consider yourself lucky to have met a smart guy.

[Meara D.]

For people who are already accustomed to SL, have partners/love interests, or are not looking for romance...Casius's post is not for you.

However, if you're lacking confidence in approaching people, looking for SLove, or just need a push in the right direction when it comes to the art of seduction...then Casius's post *is* for you.

As an intelligent, attractive, sensual, sexual woman, I would rather be approached by a man that had...

a) taken the time to properly outfit his avatar with a good skin, well-fitted hair, scultped shoes, and nice clothing. And let's not forget the AO
b) took the time to read and comment on my profile
c) took the time to post something interesting in his own profile for me to comment on
d) didn't ask me for sex at the first encounter
e) spent enough time conversing with me that it left me wanting more

...as opposed to someone in default skin/hair, wearing a newbie tux, that didn't bother reading my profile, and is only interested in getting pixel sex for free. I will note though that one of the most charming, attractive men I've had the pleasure to meet in SL still has no AO and only just now bought a pair of sculpted shoes after being in SL for nearly a year. So there's something to be said for taking time to converse and converse well. ;)

Fortunately I found my SL love (who "played" me *quite* well I have to admit) and have no plans to be back on the market here. Ever. :)

Casius might come across as a "player" to some, but that doesn't invalidate that the advice he gives is spot-on. As Lillie has often said, "sex is not free", and anyone looking to get it would do well to use the same MO that Casius describes above.

Oh and hats off to you Margo. He seems quite the catch! :)

[Laetizia Coronet]

All joking about the illustrious Milli Vanilli aside... where does it say that the 'best' items cost more money? It takes just one thing to look good... good taste. And although following your taste is usually more expensive, taste itself is not for sale. Just watch some Oscar pictures to see what happens if there's no taste to back up the money.

[Papa Doctorow]

Hamlet, well played, as usual, I LOL'd.

Regardless of how he looks, generally in SL, you can identify someone who has put some time and/or money into their avatar right away. Can you make a good looking avatar for free? OF COURSE! Is it easy? Certainly not.

I recently met someone wonderful, and we met for the fist time IRL less than a week ago (perhaps that's why I'm inclined to comment here, as my experience with this is fresh on my mind, and I feel the need to share), and had a wonderful weekend together. HOWEVER, I've met and courted countless women in SL BEFORE this one, and before now I would have been called a "player" too. It seems like so many people have this fantasy of love at first sight, or that love comes easy when you open yourself up to it, and the fact of the matter is that MOST men will never be that lucky, they'll put in a lot of blood, sweat and yes, even tears to find that special someone. The way of the world is that, UNFORTUNATELY, your chances get better and better as you meet more women, and YOU get better and better at talking to them, and a big part of that "talking" is actually listening. I think what Casius fails to mention (and he may have, I'll admit I haven't read his blog, as I don't feel the need to benefit from HIS story as of yet) is that you do need to ACTUALLY listen. Unfortunately it's not that easy, it's something A LOT of men never learn to do (couples counseling and self help books wouldn't be nearly as profitable, and gas station attendants would never have to give directions if this weren't the case).

To conclude, for Casius to have to mention ALL of this, I think, is quite beyond the scope of his blog, and EVEN IF HE DID make an attempt to extoll these virtues to you, I'm sure you'd find a way to rip into him over it. It seems to me that most WOMEN who are quick to shout "player" have been played themselves at some point, and the MEN who say it either don't have the confidence required to follow suit, or are well versed enough to know one when they see it. Finally, even if you can get over yourself, AND the fact that Casius is actually trying to HELP people, remember that his core audience are the people who need advice like "wear nice shoes and listen". I don't think you need to be all that fearful of his blog turning into a "player" training academy.

[Margo]

Meara, Thank you!! He is quite a catch! I am very blessed to have him in my life.

[Margo]

And to Papa.. yes, Casius does mention that you need to listen, as well as ask questions. Isn't that what we do everyday when we meet new people - we make small talk, showing an interest in the person we're talking to. I agree with you that most guys never get that.. and that's sad.

[Pyewacket]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Made my day!

[MoragaH]

Listen to this guy, he knows his stuff!

[Huh]

Hamlet should provide a link back to that other blog on how not to charm a girl in SL. Just sayin. It pwnz.