The Story Behind Newsweek's "Geek Love Story"

Last week Newsweek ran a feature on a Second Life couple who maintain a romantic relationship despite one continent and ocean between them. Written by Jessica Bennett, it's a warm and insightful profile of the pair (one in California, one in Wales), and just as important, is written not as a mere novelty human interest story (i.e., "Avatars in love, eh? Oh you weird and silly Internet people!"), but with an eye on the big picture. Second Life relationships represent the most vivid example of a much larger trend, as the Internet transforms the fundamentals of human culture, even at the most deeply personal level of love and romance. All that in mind, I asked Jessica how she came to write it, and what she learned in the process:

"I came across Heart Wishbringer (Rhonda Lillie) and Joe Stravinsky (Paul Hawkins) almost three years ago," she tells me by email, "while I was working on a story about Second Life and spending every free moment exploring it. (My avatar's name--though I'll admit it's been months since I've logged in--is JB Vella.) I interviewed Heart and Joe at length, and was fascinated by their story; they seemed the kind of perfect example for how technology is changing what's possible in the dating world. I've kept in touch with them ever since, and always hoped I could revisit their relationship as a story of its own.

"I got the opportunity last summer, and spent a week with Rhonda at her home in Oxnard, Calif.--just hanging out, meeting her kids, and observing what her daily life is like with Paul, despite the fact that they're thousands of miles apart. What I found was that despite the distance, their relationship is really a lot like any other: they laugh, they blow each other kisses, they talk to each other's kids, they even cook dinner together (all over webcam, of course). After I left, I called Rhonda one day to ask what it's like to have a fight over Skype. She laughed, and said, 'Hold on, let me ask Joe.' I could hear her in the background saying, 'Honey, what happens when we fight over webcam?' I thought that was so funny, because it's literally as if he's there--all the time.

"I think for those of us who've been reared on the web, as well as many who haven't, this story resonates. Rhonda and Paul's relationship is different, for sure. But it's also one of the realest, and sweetest, of any I know. And if wearing headphones to bed so you can hear your sweetheart breathing from across the world isn't love, what is?"

Image credits: Rhonda Lillie, via Newsweek.com.

Comments

[Adric Antfarm]

In another sign of getting old.....I think it's sweet.

The fact they are around..er older than me I mean, more so since it's never really too late.

It could happen I guess. I was growing close to this noob who was begging 30L off me last week until i lost it.

[Mitch Wagner]

Another datapoint for something that I've been thinking a lot about lately -- Second Life doesn't stand alone, even for die-hard users, it's one of a family of social technologies that we use to stay connected. Second Life AND blogs AND Twitter AND Plurk AND Skype.

[emiliano lee/emi brissot]

i've known Heart for a few years now, myself. i met her and Joe via my then-SL-partner who frequently shopped at their shop and hung out with them. i've kept up with her on and off over the years both in sl and out, tho mostly out (we're also facebook/myspace friends these days). her and joe's relationship has been heartwarming/heartwrenching and inspiring.

my current partner (who i now live with in rl) and i met online via okcupid, got to know one another and became good friends via livejournal, and then when we fell in love... second life was a big factor in helping bridge the gap. being able to virtually be together, she would dance at the club i dj at and it was nice being able to see our avatars cheek to cheek even if we couldn't be. and like joe and heart, when we weren't on SL, we were almost always together via webcam and cell phones.

"if wearing headphones to bed so you can hear your sweetheart breathing from across the world isn't love, what is?"

that brought a tear to my eye, because that's exactly what we did. whether headphones or cell phones. the long distance was hard at times, but it was those little things and the ability to share in them via the web etc that helped to seriously bridge the distance.

[Connie Sec]

Fantastic. Anything that breaks down the "those weirdo's in love in SL" stereotype is welcome. Thanks for posting this.

[Sylea Sygall]

SO enjoyed this story. I too have been fortunate to meet my new RL partner on SL, and have had the honour of having our story posted on a site called Flipthemedia.com, run by a good friend of mine who teaches a masters program in Digital Media at WSU.
I did not join SL to seek out a relationship, it just happened.
The distance is challenging, and very difficult at times, but SL helps us maintain the feeling that we are 'together', even if it's in our avatar form, dancing cheek to cheek like the poster above noted. Just knowing that each other are there, on the other side of the headphones is heartening and lovely.
If anyone is interested, I have posted the link to our stories below.
I wish great happiness and success for all those who find companionship in SL. I feel blessed to have found someone so very special to me.
http://flipthemedia.com/index.php/2009/04/digital-love/

[Rhonda Lillie]

Thanks for posting this about us, I enjoy reading the comments :) And, well everything. One day I hope to have a happy "fairy tale" ending to all of this, with him and I finally together living "happily ever after"...
We've changed a lot since we first met on SL in 2004 and we've motivated each other in ways that I don't think anyone has ever motivated us before... he says to me that I changed his life... well he changed mine too,.. all for the better. And,... yes,.. it's love and more so each day.

Thanks for this!