Night Moves: Are You a Second Life Addict? Five Warning Signs From A Former Metaverse Junkie

Nightflower Reports on the Reality of Virtual Love & Relationships for NWN

“Hi. I’m Nightflower. And I’m a Second Life addict.”

No, I’ve never participated in a 12-step group for metaverse addiction. But just two years ago, I desperately needed to. My obsessive use of Second Life was tipping my real life frighteningly out of balance, and my marriage was stressed to the breaking point. I felt totally out of control. Granted, several well-known SL personalities have eloquently argued that there is no such thing as SL addiction (notably metaverse artist soror Nishi here and here). But I firmly believe that, for certain people, virtual worlds can be as all-consuming as any behavioral addiction -- and I’m not the only one who feels this way. Whether its MMO platforms like World of Warcraft, simple social games like FarmVille, or the wildly creative Second Life, mental health experts are beginning to recognize their appeal as potentially addicting -- even developing inpatient programs for their treatment.

So straight from the mouth of a recovering SL junkie, here are five signs that might indicate you’ve become addicted to Second Life:

1. You Fit The Clinical Signs Of Addiction

It was early 2008, at the height of my addiction, and I was doing research for a grant I was working on for a rehab center when I came across a list of signs of drug addiction. As I read, I substituted "Second Life" for "drugs"...and the result was terrifying:

• Use of [SL] as a way to forget problems or to relax (Yep)
• Loss of interest in activities that used to be important (um, check)
• Problems with work, poor performance or absences (check again)
• Changes in friendships, hanging out only w/friends who use [SL] (CHECK!)
• Failed attempts to stop using [SL] (tried twice)
• Mood swings (oh GO TO HELL! weeps)
• Changes in sleeping habits (sleep?)
• Feeling shaky or sick when trying to stop (I had panic attacks)
• Needing more and more [SL] to get the same effect (guilty)
• Changes in eating habits, including weight loss or gain (gained 15lbs!)

Admittedly, there are some substantial differences between a substance addiction and a behavioral addiction...but in the grip of my fixation, I found the many similarities absolutely horrifying.

2. You’re Questioning Your SL Use

While denial is unquestioningly a part of any addictive behavior, there’s always a part of the brain that just doesn't buy it. The mind is funny that way. If we're paying attention, it tells us what we need to know even if we’re reluctant to listen. If you’re haunted by a quiet, persistent voice that asks "What am I doing," "Why do I keep logging in," and "Why can't I keep SL in balance," its a pretty damning indictment. To put it simply, people who don't have an unhealthy relationship with Second Life don't sit around wondering if they have a addiction.

3. Your Time And Money Reveal Your Priorities

Even at the worst of my addiction, I still knew how to give all the right answers. If you had asked me what was most important to me, of course I would have said, “My kids, my husband, and my job.” But there’s a saying that is painfully true in this situation: “Don’t tell me what matters to you... Show me your calendar and your checkbook, and I’ll tell you what you really care about.” No matter what I thought was important, my spending and my schedule revealed that all I really cared about was Second Life.

4. You’re Struggling To Maintain The Secrets And Lies

For me, the effort to hide my SL use was what finally broke me. Of course, my experience may have been exceptional, because I didn’t just try to hide how much time and money I was spending in-world... I hid Second Life altogether! My deceptions included, but were not limited to:

• Bowing out of family activities, citing the need to “do some writing for work”, but actually logging in to SL.
• Designating "mom’s chair" at home...a spot which best hid my laptop screen
• Calling in sick at work to be at home alone, in SL
• Making up appointments, then going to a coffeeshop to log in
• Feigning insomnia to log in at all hours of the night

Some of those may seem extreme, but let me challenge you... If you’ve been weaving your own web of deception, don’t take comfort in the fact that your lies aren’t as big as mine. No matter how much or how little you’re hiding, just the simple fact that you’re feeling compelled to deceive those around you is a huge, red, neon sign flashing WARNING!

5. You Feel Like You’re Alone

In hindsight, I recognize now that most of my unhealthy fixation with Second Life was because of dissatisfaction with my real life relationships. I felt ignored at work, unappreciated by my kids, and had long felt very distant from my husband. As a result, I felt very insecure and alone. So when I stumbled into love, acceptance, and popularity in Second Life, it's little wonder that I became desperately attached to the virtual world. The irony is that the very place where I thought I found a balm to my loneliness ultimately threatened to make me truly alone in the real world.

If you’re feeling deeply convicted by any of these signs, I desperately hope you’ll do some serious soul-searching. But at the same time that I paint a serious picture, I also want to color it with some hope. Over the past two years, I’ve experienced a 180-degree turnaround... and in an upcoming post I’ll be teaming up with fellow recovering SL junkie Dylan Rickenbacker to share how each of us found the road to recovery.

In the meantime, please share your thoughts on Second Life addiction in the comments below!

Nightflower is currently dividing her time between writing, raising virtual reptiles, and enjoying the new expansion just released for Lord of the Rings Online. You can read more at her blog, NightLight. Contact her on Twitter @nightflowerSL, and via e-mail at [email protected].

Comments

[Rin Tae]

I guess, speaking of SL addiction is too narrow for the problem. It is more about addction to online activities in general and those are very real and are happening. Of course, people can get addicted to anything so it is no wonder, that soem also fall for online activites. Be it games, social sites or immersive worlds like SL. Some of those are easier to fall into then others (especially games that are about gathering experience and leveling I would say ... with this I would think, that addiction might be much more common in online games) but it can not be denied, that such problems are real.

I have encountered several people who loged in into SL for entire days and nights and while some have good resons (putig their avi up as a model or working at home while the avi stays loged in for example) others simply could not find the strengh to log of and leave it all behind.

My most given advice to others, when they are feeling down or feel their RL slipping away, or when they seem to avoid facing their problems is to log off. Go away and stay away for at least a month or so. Making them understand that the first thing they have to take care of is their own life and that not seeing them online makes me feel good because I know, that they are well and are takign care of what is important. Many people came back much more relaxed and balanced from such 'holidays' ... but I suspect that a simple brake is not enough to deal with when someone has become really addicted to whatever they are doing.

[Nahasa Singh]

I was a SL addict once, too. But then I experienced a 360-degree turnaround :P

Nah, kidding.

[Ordinal Malaprop]

I regularly feel alone when on the Grid, but that tends to be a combination of my contemporaries having mostly left, and chat lag.

[Troy McConaghy]

The word "addiction" has a fairly narrow meaning. Historically, it was only applied to substance dependence (e.g. Opioid dependence).

Recently, it has been used - loosely - to describe compulsive behavior disorders (e.g. problem gambling). The American Psychological Association calls such things "impulse control disorders," not addictions. There are also obsessive-compulsive disorders, but those don't fit into the traditional purview of addiction either.

"Addiction" is a word that's often smeared across anything new that people are doing, in an attempt to malign it. "Jim sure does like Facebook. He must be addicted!" (Subtext: Facebook is new and scary, therefore I must discourage my loved ones from using it by making it seem really scary.)

When someone tells you they're "addicted" to behavior X, ask them if they have diagnosis from a medical professional. A self-diagnosis doesn't count.

(I'm not saying that people can't have behavioral disorders related to use of things like Second Life. One can have behavioral disorders related to *any* behavior: eating, sex, working, sleeping, ... In other words, Second Life is just one more thing people can do, and therefore it's just one more thing where people can have a behavior disorder. It's not special.)

[Silverfox Rainbow]

i know i am an sl junkie - but in my case cause i am single irl, and really don't have much of a rl to begin with, i was logging on to sl to escape, then it became a deal stress fest, from the 5 years i've been on sl descovered alot about other people.

- those who live to cause drama, and thrive on it
- those who cheat on others
- sl partnerships are not worth it as always get hurt in the end. (this all depends on different views i guess)

people WELL hurt you, in some cases, i have only got a few really soild friends now who i well talk it, most of my time in sl i just spend working on textures or comics, half the time not really looking at the window.
since last year when i became the co-owner of a mainland sim, my outlook on sl changed, i dont say i am 'addicted' cause i lack a few irl things like being married or having kids, but i see the effect it has on other people. and i dont want to end up like them.
i dont go clubbing, to events or malls, the appeal of these things wore off a long time ago, i see alot of newbies show up and instally want to friend you off the bat, sl isnt facebook or my space, and this always irks me a bit, they see how old i am, date wise and think that i can teach them about sl, i used to enjoy it, even newbies can get annoying.
i am a sl junkie - but at least i know i am :)

[Zero Calael]

This is an excellent primer for those who may be suffering from SL "addiction," possibly without even realizing it. There can be a fine line between compulsive behavior and healthy immersion in a hobby or past time. The identifiers described in the article should help people sort that out for themselves.

If you haven't seen it, the documentary "Second Skin" is definitely worth watching for more information about this topic. It shows rather vividly just what happens when virtual immersion becomes compulsive. People lose relationships, jobs, houses, self-respect, and even their very lives.

I've suffered as you have, Nightflower, and I've had to make some hard choices about participating in virtual worlds. Making those choices, though, has made a tremendous difference in my life, for the better.

I look forward to hearing more about your journey toward recovery, and I thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing this very personal experience with others.

[Johnny]

A brief review of the evidence on internet addiction - http://wp.me/p4QUI-r3

[Pyewacket]

If any one wants therapy , you can come to my office and for L$2000 for 15 mins ill tell you how it is.

[Ignatius Onomatopoeia]

Thank you, Night, for another honest an insightful post. Did you read the NYT piece about teenagers, their mobile devices, and changes in study and sleep habits?

http://tinyurl.com/23pnc5n

If it were just gamers and VW addicts, we'd not be in crisis. Most of my students are "augementationist" types who disdain gaming and VWs (hurts their careers). Yet whenever we bring up their habits of use in class, they'll admit freely that their texting and Facebook usage hurts their grades, their sleep, their ability to exercise. Even the gentle exercise of walking cannot be done without texting...it's getting to be every third student crossing campus "typing and walking."

At the very moment we have tamed the television, so we can watch what we want whenever we want, here comes interactive media with the newest and even more addictive version of Neil Postman's "And Now This!" narcotic.

[sleep]

From what I have read, Second Life is very addictive. The social environment is the one factor that keeps people up late at nights. Some don't even sleep at night just to play.

[Meg]

I would say SL has its place but it is very easy to spiral out of. The enviroment itself keeps you connected to a variety of people who if you work in a club, etc. with might make you feel like you need to be there to support them. This obligation feeling for people youll never see outside the game helps lock people in.

Also, people who are shy, etc. tend to lock in easily as its not the real them being shown. They dont get judged on looks, or on other factors themselves which makes it easy for them to connect and even live in that kind of envoriment. I myself am working towards realizing these things.

I think to break it or at least train the mind to accept only 1 hour a day of it, must first start with using more positive activities in place of the negative one.

[Baye]

Thank you for your honesty, Night. I too have left SL. For me, the problem was the deception, lies, secrets and trying to convince myself that the romance etc was not adultery. I feel horrible about it now but is very easy to be sucked into that kind of life enjoying virtual marriage and children and actually believe that it is ok. It's something the way I felt betrayed inworld when the person I cared for ditched me but I didn't mind doing it to the person in rl. I'm glad I left and I am never going back. I'll live out my dreams in rl and enjoy my sleep. The price one may have to pay is not worth it.