Miss Ophelia's Metaverse Manners: Roleplayers, Rendering Cost, and Being BFFs with an Ugly Duckling

Exclusive to NWN, Iris Ophelia's take on etiquette and ethics in virtual spaces 

This week I've got some particularly juicy topics to discuss, and I'm willing to bet that we've all asked ourselves at least one of these questions before. Most fashionistas have wondered what we should wear (and what we shouldn't wear) to large and laggy events. Likewise, we've all struggled with how to discuss a shape-makeover with a slightly weird-looking friend. And, Second Life being what it is, many of us have probably felt a little awkward or uncomfortable when we run into a few roleplayers carrying on in a store. If you've ever shared any of these doubts or difficulties, keep reading for some long overdue advice!

What should I wear to crowded events like fairs? Some people say you should have your Avatar Rendering Cost as low as possible with no prims or attachments, and some people say that ARC doesn't mean anything, so who's right and what should I do?

Avatar Rendering Cost is definitely a controversial topic. It's very common at fairs and events to hear people shouting at others to remove all of their attachments, however there are others who don't believe that high ARC is a real cause of lag at all. As the Second Life Wiki says, "ARC isn't the end-all for pinpointing Viewer lag". There is a plethora of other factors that can contribute to what we call "lag", including scripts, draw distance, graphics settings, packet loss... The list goes on and on. However, just because the importance of ARC is a little overblown does not mean that you should be strutting around a packed event in a 200 prim ballgown and an ornate crown on your lovely little head. Whether you believe in ARC or not, you send a message to other people when you drop into a badly lagging crowd in that kind of outfit: "My appearance is more important than your experience". The truth is that no one is there to admire you. You can wear as many layers of clothing as you like, since the viewer combines all those layers before shipping your avatar texture out for others to see, but limit your prims and leave the scripted attachments at home. Even if it doesn't reduce the lag, it's sure reduce the drama!

My friend wears a horrid shape. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but looking at her makes my eyes hurt. What do I do, Ms. Iris?!

I've been on the receiving end of this situation. A friend of mine approached me years ago because she thought that my hand size was far too large for my shape, and I'll admit that at first I was a little offended. When we make an avatar shape we get rather attached to it, so we tend to take criticism of our shape nearly as personally as we would take criticism of our own body. I did end up reducing the size of my avatar's hands half way between where they were and where she recommended they be, and eventually I followed her advice fully and reduced them again. It took a little time before I could look at my avatar objectively enough to where she was coming from.

Second Life fashion is quite boring when everyone looks identical, so the variety of shapes we all have is necessary. Of course not everyones shape will be to your liking, so it's important to remember that a lot of people also want to look distinct and a little "ugly" by standard definitions (and that's their right!). If you really feel that something is amiss with your friend's shape (and you feel sure that they're not deliberately trying to look that way), break the news to them gently, and be prepared for a little bit of backlash. If you have a good relationship your friend should at least be willing to hear you out, but don't take it personally if they disagree with your opinion. They may want your help right away, or they may not-- they may even just need a little time to consider it themselves. Be honest with your friend but let them look however they want, even if it doesn't suit your tastes.

What should I do when I'm in a store and two people are roleplaying in public chat there?

Oliver Wendell Holmes famously said, "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins," and that line holds very true in this case. If they're essentially keeping to themselves, then the proper thing to do is to keep to yourself as well, just as though they're having a run of the mill conversation in public chat. It's a different story if they're being inappropriate, or trying to get you involved in their roleplay. If you're being bothered or harassed, you shouldn't hesitate to politely ask them to take their roleplay into IMs, or suggest that they take their scene elsewhere. In the very worst cases, notify the store owner of what's been going on in their shop, since (depending on the kind of store and the severity of the situation) it might end up costing them business. If something in chat is just bothering you on a personal level, don't forget that you can always mute the offenders and carry on with your shopping.

Do you have your own virtual world etiquette quandary? Email me at ophelia.iris [at] gmail [dot] com, or submit anonymously to the Metaverse Manners Formspring.  Be sure to include a pseudonym (i.e. "WTF from the Welcome Area") so you know when I'm addressing your query!

Iris Ophelia has been featured in the New York Times and has spoken about SL-based design at the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan.

Comments

[Laetizia Coronet]

I do think shouting at people to remove attachments is infinitely worse manners than wearing them. Imagine a crowded railway station in real life and people shouting: 'If you wouldn't all be hauling around these huge bags and suitcases, there'd be more room for all of us!'
Probably true, but crude and usually utterly pointless.

[Emperor Norton]

"What should I do when I'm in a store and two people are roleplaying in public chat there?"

The game gods gave a us a mute button for a reason.

[Iris Ophelia]

@Laetizia That's a really good point and one I aught to have included. The hollering person almost always comes off as being far ruder than the primmy one.

@Emperor I agree. Most roleplay is entirely harmless and is usually best ignored, however if there's something particularly explicit going on in a PG location for example, it can be appropriate to take other steps. Unfortunately the question was a bit vague as to the nature of the roleplaying, so I tried to cover all my bases.

[Arcadia Codesmith]

The golden rule of roleplay, in roleplaying games as well as general virtual worlds, is that roleplay is not an excuse to be rude.

Even if you're 100% in-character at all times, there are ways to guage whether another player is willing to interact with you on that basis.

A prime example is vampire roleplay. I can't think of any examples from fiction or media where a vampire walks into a human nightclub, grabs a victim, and helps himself to a drink without so much as a "hello".

Introduce yourself, strike up a conversation, explain what's up, and if the other person isn't interested, back the hell off. A vampire bite should be the culmination of a slow seduction, not an introduction.

And it should be a private matter between the two of you, UNLESS the context is a gothic sim or other environment where such transactions are an accepted part of the atmosphere.

I like "freaking the mundanes" as much as the next Renfaire enthusiast, but the goal is to bemuse and entertain, not to make anybody uncomfortable. A little consideration goes a long way.