What Does Have a Second Life Partner Mean to You?

After listing a Second Life partner in her SL profile for quite some time, Chestnut Rau removed any name from the slot where a partner would be. Why? As she explains:

There has been no change in my relationship, but I no longer need/want Linden Lab to sanction it or feel the need to publicize who is important in my life. If you know me, then you know. If you don't then its not material to you.

As it happens, her real life husband doesn't wear a wedding ring (initially for practical reasons, as a man who worked on tall ships.) Which may explain why Chestnut can maintain and SL partner with her husband's full knowledge:

He is well aware of who I talk to and who I spend my time with in world. He knows who has my cell phone number and who texts me. When I am online I sit in the living room so he is free to see whatever I am doing. I know there are people who would love to reinforce the "SL causes marital discord and divorce" theory but you won't be able to use me as proof.

Her post raises at least two interesting posts: How often in Second Life are people partners (even just casually in-world) without feeling a need to get that relationship listed? And if you maintain that relationship, how do you do it when you also have a real relation offline?

Comments

[Vax Sirnah]

I'm actively polyamorous, so I don't have an issue with maintaining multiple relationships, in SL or RL or both. My current partner in SL is my legal wife in SL. My RL girlfriend is also in SL (and we're all part of a family Group).

I chose to list my RL wife as my SL partner because I just like being connected to her (go figure, I married her). I'd like to see something more flexible, like Relationship+ on Facebook, or the relationship functionality in FetLife, where you can list multiple people with various relationship types.

[Adeon Writer]

I don't do internet-only relationships, any SL partner would by thereby represent a real-world relationship by default. :)

[Ananda]

Never partnered.

Now that that's out of the way... how about a followup? How many people are partnered with someone not as a romantic relationship, but as a business partner, or simply as a friend to try and avoid romantic entanglements?

[Chaotix]

The person who is listed as my SL partner, is also my partner in RL. We play SL together, as well as many other online worlds. That said, I would never think of partnering someone I met purely in SL from other people's past experiences. I've seen people become hurt, depressed and even suicidal based on their feelings for someone they cant be with on the other side of the country/world.... so I'm not prepared to go down that avenue (purely personal opinion).

On a flip side and more positive note, I know one couple who met in SL, where one of them moved from Australia to Europe to be together and have never been happier. They are still labelled in each others profile, after 4 years or so.

I think it purely depends on the couple in question and in my opinion, up to them what they choose to do. One person might feel a sense of pride to be in someone's profile, whereas someone else may feel its invading their privacy a little.

[Fogwoman Gray]

The whole "partnership" thing was very confusing to me when I started in SL - I saw an article about SL "partners" who were in business together and assumed that partners were business partnerships :)
The man I am currently partnered to in SL is someone I met, became friends with and eventually fell in love with in SL. We are now happily married. I was dating someone else offline when my SL relationship became more serious, and broke off that relationship letting him know that I had found someone else I was interested in exploring a relationship with. It just seemed right to me.
I know a lot of folks who have much more interesting lives, and to each their own - I am just dreadfully vanilla :)

[Erbo Evans]

For the longest time, Danielle Ferguson and I were partnered in SL because we had a working virtual relationship going. (We had a wedding and everything!) Later, as she started spending more time with other people, I "let her go" so she could give them the partnership they wanted. Eventually, she shifted to using another avatar entirely, and we put Danielle back in my "partner" slot to symbolize our strong friendship through thick and thin.

Then, when Selenalore Michigan came into my life (and, in fact, created that avatar for the sole purpose of being my companion), we switched it out. (Danielle understood; she's a true friend to both of us.) Now the human behind "Selenalore" lives with me in RL, and we are most happily engaged. (I was married to someone else in RL, but that marriage ended about a year before Selena and I fell in love, mainly because my ex-wife had a golden opportunity to go off to school and I didn't want to stand in her way. But that's another, and quite a bit more convoluted, story.)

[Kirstenlee Cinquetti]

What does a secondlife partner mean to me?
Well she became my real life partner and she means the world to me :)

[DJ InsyX Piranha]

My Partner MountainBear Botanical and I been married on SL for 4+ beautiful years. I actually Love having him listed as my partner out of honor and respect. Is it really for show? Yeah I guess somewhat, but I am happy he is my one and only (on SL that is, as in RL we have our own partners and all of us became good friends thru it all). I think it is a good thing to list your partner in SL, but of course that is just my opinion. I would never fault one for not wanting to doing it.

Just like in Real Life, if you do not want a traditional wedding or have a piece of paper dictate that the two of you belong together (which in my case can't happen for me and my partner in most states since gay marriage is illegal in most) then that is up to you and your's and nobody else can say otherwise. I think the same goes for the SL partnership function. :)

[Extropia DaSilva]

In my case anybody attracted to me is, by definition, going to find my primary unnattractive. Well, maybe with ludicrously wide tastes and if someone is really *really* unfussy, that someone might be attracted to my primary, but I think it pretty implausible that such a person exists.

I used to think this made me pretty safe to be in a relationship, even if my partner was married IRL. I only exist within the context of online social networks/ worlds; I am not going to climb out of the computer monitor and have an affair with my love's primary. In fact, I would consider myself not to be in love with that person, but rather the person I know in SL (I tend to be attracted to those who profess some distinction between the RL and SL self).

However, in order for me to spend time with my SL love, someone in real life has to commit time to sit at the computer, rather than spending time with his or her family. So even though there would be no mutual attraction between our primaries if they ever met, and even though I do not think the relationship extends beyond the magic circle of online social networks/ worlds we both subcribe to, perhaps the fact that I take up time that could be spent with a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband counts as 'cheating', anyway?

[Roenik]

My SL partner is also my RL wife. We met in SL and, almost a year later met in RL.

We've been married almost 3 years now and never been happier.

We seldom log into SL now. It was the gateway in which we met and we've moved on in our life together.

We keep in touch with our SL friends through social networking.

[nimil]

my sl partner is my soulmate and i display his name proudly all over my profile because i enjoy shouting to everyone that i found the man i love in this fucked up videogame world 4 years ago...

[Nan]

@Roenik - Our stories are almost exactly the same, except it's been 4 years in our case.

[Arcadia Codesmith]

There's only one person with whom I would want to partner in all of SL. But that person is a free spirit who likes to keep options open.

So I'm secretly devoted but officially unattached.

That person is my RL mate.

[CyFishy Traveler]

I partnered with the one avatar I knew I could trust completely with everything, who will always be with me, no matter what.

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." --Oscar Wilde

[Arwyn Quandry]

My partner and I actually came together for convenience. We were friends in-world for a while before she had a sudden breakup with her at-the-time partner and began to list her alt in that slot. I asked her about this and she said she needed to have someone listed as a protection because she's a creator. I told her she could have asked me and got a request a few hours later.

She's the person I'm closest to in-world and we're good friends, so I like having her listed there. No rezbian sex, nothing like that - just two women sharing a friendship.

[Cheyenne Palisades]

The last thing I anticipated when I came to Second Life nearly four and a half years ago was meeting someone who attracted me. Within a month of my rez day I had. One month later I told her of my feelings, and four months after that we met in real life. Now I spend nearly as much time at her place (in another state) as I do at my own home, and we are trying to figure out how to afford a house together in a state with high home prices and property tax rate.

Although we have been inseparable in Second Life for more than four years now, and in real life for at least three, we didn't partner in SL for a long time. Why? Well, we were exploring one another and our relationship in real life, and that takes time. So when we partnered in SL, it had significance for both of us.