Miss Ophelia's Metaverse Manners: How to Be a Well-Behaved Second Life Blogger

Exclusive to NWN, Iris Ophelia's take on etiquette and ethics in virtual spaces

This week we're dealing with a boatload of manners questions from both frantic fashionistas and beleaguered bloggers. Fashion blogging is a frontier of faux-pas and interpersonal friction, so let's get right to business!

When I ask designers for review copies, I sometimes get a lot of rude responses. I'm offering them free advertising so I don't understand why they're rejecting me. I'm a new blogger, but I'm on a lot of feeds. Am I wrong or are they?

        -Rejectionista

There is almost an expectation in Second Life fashion, like many real life fashion niches, that anyone who is anyone in the style culture should have a blog. Every fashion blogger should ask themselves one key question: Are you blogging so that you can shop, or shopping so that you can blog? Blogging fashion in either world isn't a cheap hobby, and it's a mistake to expect review copies. If you can't afford to blog on your own dime, you may want to reconsider.

While your intentions may be pure, it isn't unheard of for someone to start up a blog specifically to receive review items and freebies from designers, and the newer a blog is (or the lower the number of posts) the more suspicious it can seem. It's understandable that a lot of content creators want to be a little more selective about to whom they send their review copies-- no one wants to be used, and that's probably the source of their rudeness. There's no shortage of entitled people trying to milk free stuff out of designers, so while they shouldn't snap at you, it's easy enough to see their side of things too. Many designers state their review copy policy in their profile, so before contacting them always be sure to check. If they ask to be contacted through a notecard, contact them through a notecard. If they don't respond immediately, don't IM their partner. Ultimately, remember that many designers don't give out review copies at all. Do your best to be pleasant with them even if they turn you down. Second Life fashion is a small world, so don't burn any bridges that you may want down the road.

Keep reading for the answers to four more fashionista etiquette dilemmas!

My BFF started designing recently and she wants me to blog her releases. The problem is that I think it's all awful and if it was by anyone else I would tear it apart (publicly). I don't want to hurt her feelings but she's really bad.

        -Fashion Frenemy

It's unfair of your friend to try to pressure you to blog their creations, and it puts you in a very awkward position. It's fair for you to refuse, in particular because bloggers are often accused of playing favorites with their friends. However, don't reject your friend completely, and don't be dishonest. Offer her constructive feedback, and try to include something she's made in a post as encouragement. Every designer has to start somewhere. Your friend might be awful right now, but in a couple months she may be the next big thing-- don't be the one that snuffs out that burgeoning talent!

How can I tell a blogger I don't want to give them free stuff to review when they ask for it?

Drawing a little from the very first question this week, be polite about it, and give them a clear reason why you're not interested in sending them any review copies. If their blog is too new or not quite your style, it's fair to tell them that. If you have a personal grudge against the blogger, you may want to keep that to yourself and be civil with them anyway. If you're on the fence about giving them something, try offering them a group gift, an older release, or even a small store-card as a gesture of good will without giving away the whole farm.

The best thing to do in the long-term is develop a clear policy for who does and does not qualify for review copies, and put that in your profile picks. That way you'll have guidelines to follow, and you won't have to worry about accusations of favoritism or grudges... at least not as much.

I like blogging, but I don't want people to copy my look exactly. Is it wrong to keep some things to myself?

If you don't want someone to replicate a look almost exactly, then you probably shouldn't be blogging it. When you blog an outfit or avatar look, you're essentially offering yourself up as a template for your fans to follow. If the particular item is something you've made yourself or that isn't otherwise for sale, it's reasonable to tell your readers that it isn't available and suggest some similar alternatives. If it is out for purchase and you just want to keep it as your personal style secret, replace the item with one that you don't mind sharing instead. However, if you still really want to show but not tell, you may want to reconsider your motives for blogging to begin with.

Is it rude to write bad things about something I'm blogging, like should I only blog things I have good things to say about?

        -Two-Faced

It's not rude per se, but there are a lot of subtleties in this issue to consider. When you blog an item, the primary purpose is to convince others to buy it. If you cover up mistakes in the product, readers who buy it may be disappointed and upset-- upset with the designer and with you. I frequently gush about virtual clothing with slight flaws, and I'll acknowledge the flaws openly between layers of compliments. It's important that you balance the negative points with positive points, and that you phrase both constructively. Saying "This dress is cute but OMG THESE SEAMS ARE MONSTROUS" isn't going to sell anyone on the product, nor is it going to convince the designer to be more careful around the seams of their design. It will only serve to make them defensive and less willing to hear suggestions you may have for their work. 

On the other hand, if there is a problem with a design that I just can't move past, I simply won't blog it. Why waste time, effort, and money recommending a product that shouldn't be recommended? Always be honest with your readers, and if you really don't have anything nice to say, it's probably best to say nothing at all.

Do you have your own virtual world etiquette quandary? Email me at ophelia.iris [at] gmail [dot] com, or submit anonymously to the Metaverse Manners Formspring.  Be sure to include a pseudonym (i.e. "WTF from the Welcome Area") so you know when I'm addressing your query!

Iris Ophelia (Janine Hawkins IRL) has been featured in the New York Times and has spoken about SL-based design at the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan and with pop culture/fashion maven Johanna Blakley.

Comments

[Tateru Nino]

I've always turned down review copies of things. If I didn't think enough of it to pay my own money for it, why should anyone care what I think about it?

[Strawberry Singh]

Perfect answers Miss Ophelia, just what I needed! Thank you. <3

[Stephen Venkman]

Terrific post.

[Diva Regina]

I just discovered Miss Ophelia through a plurk by Strawberry. You're going to keep me checking back on NWN. Wish I could RSS just your posts.

Keep up the good work.

[Hamlet Au]

Welcome, Diva!

[Laetizia Coronet]

Next up - how to be a well-behaved Second Life political/social blogger? "Miss Ophelia, can I call the Lab's decision 'the usual baloney' or is it better if I offer constructive criticism?"

;)

[Ignatius Onomatopoeia]

Dear Miss Iris,

I love this post and must add my worthless PS.

"Is it rude to write bad things about something I'm blogging, like should I only blog things I have good things to say about?"

Dear Two-Faced,

From one look at my avatar, you can tell I don't know diddly about fashion. But as an academic, I understand petty snarkiness, often wearing it like, ahem, a second skin.

So blog away! Be sure to save your snark for Linden Lab, if you must say nasty things. They can take it. What are they gonna do? Go "oh boo hoo" and close?

Also blog in the meanest way possible about any accessory with bling. Or Philip's avatar. Or me. There is no such thing as bad publicity.

Ta ta, dahling,

Mr. Iggy

[Chimera Cosmos aka Liz Dorland]

Iggy, they could write a whole blog post just about your great hair. Be careful what you ask for! heheh

[Sasy Scarborough]

Really nice post, one thing I always tell bloggers when the asking for items question comes up, is that once you send the request notecard you have to let it go. If you get a response that is great, if you get items, that is wonderful, if you get to really know the designer and chat often, that is the most amazing outcome of all.
But if you get nothing, you cannot cry, judge, start hating on, or go on a boycott spree of the store... the designer may have never gotten it, they may have strict policies they don't make public, they may not read notecards that are not to do with customer service, or they may just be too shy and overwhelmed to know what to do with it.
So to save yourself all of the angst, if you are going to ask, you have to ask with a light heart, and never consider it a personal rejection, and never compare yourself to bloggers that may or may not get from the same store, you cannot know their relationships, they may have known eachother for years.

xoxSasyxox

[CronoCloud Creeggan]

Very good post, Iris, and great reply there, Sasy.

Also it helps to be honest with oneself...I don't ask for review copies, because I don't deserve them, they are better sent to those who blog more frequently. But that's okay because I prefer commentary to "zOMG new release stuffage" posts anyway...for the most part.

But...if you want an honest private opinion on your stuffs/displays/store, I'll give it, and I believe in encouraging newbie designers, to a certain extent. There are things I would say in private that I'd never say on the blog, because the blog is what I like.

[Ricco Saenz]

I have a wonderful experience with a review on Men's Second Style that I could refer to as a good way to deal with things. Once, some stuff by me were reviewed on a post there. The post was, in general, very positive (I don't think that they review things that they don't recommend), but they did notice some small problems on edges that I hadn't seen before. Problems were objectively identified, I corrected them, contacted the blog back, they checked the new version of the item and updated the post. It was great, they were honest with their readers, I had a chance to be informed of a problem, I could correct it, etc. No drama, quite the opposite. I was really happy with the way things happened.