Exclusive to NWN, Iris Ophelia's ongoing take on etiquette and ethics in virtual spaces
Recently I got an email submission from someone making a very good point about the etiquette involved in going AFK. She's not the only person to see some rudeness in this common (and frequently accidental) occurrence, so this week I'm addressing some of the troubles that can come with going "Away From Keyboard".
It may be a good idea to say a thing or two about going 'AFK'. I always find somewhere to sit, or a corner, but I see lots of people who just go AFK standing right in front of a stage, or in the middle of a dance floor (not continuing to dance) - in fact so much that people standing slumped over like bags of sand seems part of the SL party scene just like these infamous 'Hoooo!' gestures. But to me it always looks odd, out of place, breaking the illusion even.
-Laetizia Coronet
The problem with going AFK is that it's not always planned. From little accidents to big emergencies, sometimes the real world calls and you have to answer it immediately. It's important to be sensitive to this if you ever stumble across someone who is AFK in a bad place. If they're on a stage during a performance, use avatar collision (walking into them) to your advantage to herd their zombified figure off to one side. As for planned periods of going AFK, it is definitely the polite choice to find somewhere unobtrusive to park your avatar. If you know your BRB (be right back) is more likely to be a BBL (be back later) consider teleporting home or logging off altogether, especially if you're in a full sim that other people are trying to enter (like a fair or a major event!)
Keep reading for two more key concerns...
When my friends are AFK I like to rez things on them like prim penises and mustaches. I think it's funny, but one of my friends blew up at me about it. Is it really rude or are they just oversensitive?
Honestly this kind of practical joke can be very funny, and it's a long-standing SL tradition. However, it's important to know your audience. Not everyone is going to find the joke funny, so it's best to only do it when you're familiar enough with your target's sense of humour to know that they'll get as much of a kick out of it as you, and when you're both in an appropriate location. This isn't the kind of joke to do during most academic gatherings, for example, and rezzing prim genitalia in a G sim can be a recipe for disaster – We have to protect the pure, untainted minds of the teens now, right?
I have 3 young kids so I have to run away from the computer without any notice a lot. Sometimes I'm gone for awhile and my friends and customers get upset with me. How do I make them understand that my kids are a priority and I need their patience in SL?
- AFKaregiver
Juggling a full first and Second life isn't for the faint of heart, and I admire the energy you must have to do it. Your friends should too, so if you explain the situation to them they should understand. Emphasize that when you "disappear", it's not anything they should take personally, but rather that duty has called you elsewhere. If they aren't understanding at that point, it's their problem more than it's yours. Part of being friends in a virtual space is accepting the fact that you are both in separate environments, dealing with your separate lives, and it's unrealistic (and unhealthy) to expect someones constant undivided attention. If your friends really can't accept this, then you may need to reconsider if those are the right kind of relationships for you to have. As for contact with acquaintances and customers consider putting a note about your frequent need to AFK in your profile, and asking them to submit notecards rather than IMing you even when you're online, so you won't miss their messages. There will no doubt be some rough patches along the way, but you should never feel bad for prioritizing the care of your family.
Submit your virtual etiquette dilemmas to ophelia.iris [at] gmail [dot] com, or submit anonymously to the Metaverse Manners Formspring. Be sure to include a pseudonym (i.e. "WTF from the Welcome Area") so you know when I'm addressing your query!
Iris Ophelia (Janine Hawkins IRL) has been featured in the New York Times and has spoken about SL-based design at the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan and with pop culture/fashion maven Johanna Blakley.
Avatar collision is a humorous solution. In 2008, two students and I were exploring an urban sim when one of them went AFK. We were at the top of a skyscraper.
"Push him," my other student urged me.
"I might get in trouble. You do it."
So the student did. We had a great laugh at that. We both blamed each other in the next class meeting.
Posted by: Ignatius Onomatopoeia | Tuesday, March 01, 2011 at 11:15 AM
On occasion i have used a little thing called "BSB". A simple device of translucent physical material with a rotate script on it. When moved over an avatar it leads to quite spectacular craziness.
I do not feel bad, it happened to me the first day in SL and i still think its hilarious now.
My one rule for this situation. Jokes should not be played on AFKers when in RP (kills the narrative, better to simply patiently wait), on someone who is under emotional stress (unless you know them to be the type who it will help lighten the mood) or on newbies who will just be scared off. OR, in my case, when the person responsible will turn it into an amusing 'fairy' calender to sell for charity mentioning no names SMELLEON!
Posted by: THE GENIUS Dreddpiratebob | Tuesday, March 01, 2011 at 12:51 PM
Of course, in my indignation, I completely forgot those situations where AFK is less voluntary. Good points there, Ophelia!
Posted by: Laetizia Coronet | Tuesday, March 01, 2011 at 01:16 PM
Yeah. Just try not to go AFK on a TP point in a no-fly zone. It's the flailing. The flailing is bad.
Posted by: Doreen Garrigus | Wednesday, March 02, 2011 at 08:07 AM
Having had the issue of needing to investigate suspicious noises (or silences) with youngsters in the house, I created a gesture with the key word "/afk" to generate a chat line "Beg pardon, I must afk a moment." to let others know I am dashing off to put avert an emergency on the other side of the keyboard. Most people I know have been understanding of the need to dash off, but appreciate the warning.
Posted by: Annechen Lowey | Wednesday, March 02, 2011 at 08:12 PM
The old build of Martin Ren's fabulous "Flashmans" had an 'urinoir' outside of the club. Was ideal for IM-ing or going AFK.
Posted by: Yak Wise | Thursday, March 03, 2011 at 06:10 AM