Miss Ophelia's Metaverse Manners: Good Banlines Make Good Neighbors; The Etiquette of Virtual Property

Iris Ophelia's ongoing take on etiquette & ethics in virtual spaces  

Owning land in SL can come with plenty of potential interpersonal crises and conflicts, so it's no surprise that I've had quite a few questions on this subject pop into my inbox. They say that good fences make good neighbours, but how does that apply to a world where your neighbour can fly over the fence?

I'm a designer and customers always try to fly up to my personal space. I don't want to be mean to my own customers, but how can I get any peace at all otherwise!!?

                    - House Arrested

Because these are customers you're dealing with, the less potential for conflict, the better. Don't tell them to fuck off or leave you alone-- ideally, let an automatic and hopefully polite security orb do this for you. The right security system will warn nosy parkers when they get too close to your fortress of solitude, and bump them out if they stick around. Of course, this won't stop people from camming over to snoop on you, so depending on how much privacy you want, the best option may just be to get a plot of land on a faraway sim.

Keep reading for two more property-related problems!

Can you explain why people are so touchy about their SL homes? I like looking around in SL, including in houses and stuff, but people get really angry about it and I don't really understand.

                    - Anonymous

Generally, if someone is invested in SL enough to set up a proper home for themselves, then it should tell you that that home is likely not going to be just another pile of pixels to them. There's no reason to get a home if you want an entirely public, impersonal space, because that's what infohubs and sandboxes are for. It's their section of the virtual world, full of items that express their tastes. In many ways, our virtual homes are an extension of our virtual selves, and there's no denying that people take that very seriously. As interesting as others' homes may be, show their owners the same courtesy you would if it was a real life house. Knock.

I have a REALLY loud neighbour. Loud gestures, crazy particles, tons of annoying stuff that the people we rent from won't do anything about. What should I do to deal with him?

                    - Next to the devil next door

Unfortunately if the people managing your land aren't budging on it, the only option you're left with it to talk to your neighbour personally. As always, honesty and diplomacy are key: tell him what bothers you and why, but try to avoid being too accusational or confrontational. Harassing them will only muliply the problem, so save yourself the stress. If it doesn't work out, the best thing to do would be to move. Move to another altitude on your plot, move to another plot on the sim, or move to another sim altogether. It sucks, but in the long run the peace and quiet of that perfect place will be well worth it!

Submit your virtual etiquette dilemmas to ophelia.iris [at] gmail [dot] com, or submit anonymously to the Metaverse Manners Formspring.  Be sure to include a pseudonym (i.e. "WTF from the Welcome Area") so you know when I'm addressing your query!

Iris Ophelia (Janine Hawkins IRL) has been featured in the New York Times and has spoken about SL-based design at the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan and with pop culture/fashion maven Johanna Blakley.

Comments

[Ilsa Hesse]

Honestly, if I see a personal house that I am interested in I do one of two things.
A) I cam it and look while they are not home. That whole "show look at" can be awkward! I had to explain "no, I can tel you are cammed in to my bedroom... " to a person once, so dont do it while they are around or - uh- busy...)
B) ask if you can come look at it as it looks interesting. most people that have built or bought a house have put effort in to it, and may be very willing to show it off, if you ask first.

[Ciaran Laval]

There's a couple of new features coming which will deal with some of these issues. You will be able to set your parcel so that people can't see you on it, they will see you on the map but unless they are on your parcel, they won't see you or any other avatars on your parcel, you also won't be able to see them, so if you have your security right, even if they cam in, they won't see you.

You will also be able to prevent people from unleashing gestures that make sounds, they simply won't play.

The Hidden avatars feature can be witnessed now if you have a couple of avatars to login to the beta grid, head off to oatmeal 6 where Maestro has setup some test parcels.

[Pussycat Catnap]

Its never good to have your home and shop in the same sim. And its not just about people wandering over to bug you.

If you want to be left alone, letting them see your green dot is unwise.

But similarly, a lot of people, self included; get really edgy when the shopkeep is lingering around.

In RL I've spent 4 decades getting ethnicly profiled as a criminal while sitting there and watching whites shoplift and be ignored - so I get very edgy anytime store employees come up to me. I've been handcuffed enough times to make this very personal. Once had a friend tell me flat out that 'minorites like' (me) tended to steal more - until he put in those anti-theft tags and a month later, had only ever caught Asians and Whites with it... not one Black, Latin, or mixed.

Unfortunately edginess like that can carry over into a virtual world... so if I see the shop owner around, I tend to shorten my trip. If they start bugging me, I sometimes DC myself or TP out, or make an excuse to leave.

Many people also feel this way just from not wanting to be bothered while they decide. And if the shopowner is there, it puts up pressure to buy now - which can result in not buying at all.

So... my suggestion to any shop keep wanting privacy, get another 512 of land somewhere else.

[foneco zuzu]

Nothing like a homestead, if you have a loved one with you that makes wonders with 3750 prims:)
Surf, hangglider, parachutes, bikes, jetskis, dancing anywhere, more then 200 birds and fishes around, 8 skyboxes, 2 1 nascar track, 2 bike tracks, 2 trains, several theme skyboxes, well enought to say those 3750 prims are well used:)

[Deoridhe]

I had one time where I was trying to get a message out of a subscribo (SL ate it) and ended up teleporting to the "this gave you stuff" link, and it was in a creator's house. I was really embarrassed by it and left as soon as I could, but an additional recommendation I'd give store owners is don't put message-sending things in your private areas!

[Kudzumai]

@ Foneco: All good for you, but some people (if not most) don't have the resources to own, rent or buy an entire sim for themselves (homestead or full). So yeah, I know all too well how it feels to be bothered by neighbours and their ugly and laggy builds sometimes.

For anyone I'd suggest the following: find a community sim, maybe one where the house/layout is already decided. People there are usually much more reasonable, and in a lot of cases you don't even need banlines.