Miss Ophelia's Metaverse Manners: The Etiquette of (Public) Second Life Voice Chat

SL Voice isn't exactly news, but it's become ingrained in the SL experience for many of us (for better and for worse.) Unfortunately, some people treat a system that can broadcast voice practically across a sim the same as they would treat text chat, and that can be as problematic for them as it is annoying for everyone else. I just had an irksome experience with SL voice, which I'll talk about down the way. But first, here's a couple reader questions:

My friend loves using voice chat, but she won't make private calls, she always uses the public voice channel. When we go shopping she's talking about things that the whole world doesn't need to hear, sometimes eating with her mic on. She says everyone in Second Life uses voice like her and that I'm being silly because in real life stores everyone is talking out loud too. I think she's the silly one though! What do you think?

                    - Anonymous

Private voice chat is a blessing for those of us who don't want to hear stranger drama every time we want new pants. Here's a good way to explain it to your friend:

In a mall, everyone is in a public space. We all have our public selves on, and we generally act and speak differently than we would when we're at home alone in our pyjamas at Noon on a Saturday. At home, you're generally more comfortable and less guarded, and it's easier for private things to slip out in conversation. The other side of it is that everyone else is in their private spaces as well, so they may not be in the mood to deal with all the background chatter of the mall. Maybe they just want to listen to their music, relax, and do their thing without hearing about your friend's argument with your other friend. Or worse, maybe they find your friend's personal drama incredibly entertaining. A lot of us are guilty of listening in on some epic voice drama at one point or another, you can even find it posted on Youtube. If she doesn't care about the people who don't want to hear her, maybe she should care about the people that do for the wrong reasons.

Keep reading for another voice-related etiquette dilemma, and for the personal experience that inspired this week's subject!

[Name Removed] has a young baby [IRL] and I love talking to her on voice but whenever the baby starts crying she brings him over and he cries into the mic until she can calm him down. She's a good friend and a great mom but can I tell her to turn off voice when its baby time without offending her?

                    - Anonymous

It's easy for parents to forget how grating a crying baby can be for others, since they've gotten much more used to the sound over time. The best way to tell her it bothers you... is to just tell her. The baby always needs to come first and you need to make it clear that you understand and respect that, but that all you want is for her to mute her microphone or turn off voice because you're not accustomed to the crying, so it's hard for you to listen to it. If she's unwilling, or simply forgets, use my favorite technique for dealing with tricky online situations: "BRB". A simple BRB gives you a little break to collect yourself and keep your cool without raising much suspicion. For the sake of your friendship and your sanity, don't feel bad about taking these little breaks to keep your head!

So here's what inspired this week's subject... Last weekend I was doing some shopping in SL when I came across a fellow shopper who was blaring "Back in Black" by AC/DC over local voice. I stood there a little dumbfounded for a moment, not really sure what to make of it. I thought maybe this girl had some kind of hold music for when she was AFK which would be pretty crazy, but not as crazy as my second guess: I noticed that she was wearing all black, perhaps she was using voice to broadcast a "theme" for her outfit to help strangers like me to appreciate her on a deeper level..? Or maybe she just wanted to be a walking boombox. I didn't say anything to her and I left as soon as I could, chalking the experience up to the "bitches be crazy" side of Second Life. I realized later that I probably should have said something, because I surely wasn't the first or last person to roll my eyes at her, and sooner or later someone far meaner would say something if I didn't.

So, AC/DC Girl, if you're out there, this is for you:

Your technique has a lot in common with music that autoplays on fashion blogs, which is almost universally hated by readers but persists, because online we want to scream our identity out to as many people as will listen. I'm guilty of it too, as is almost anyone with a Twitter or Plurk account. Unfortunately, I didn't choose to visit your blog or your Twitter or your Plurk or any other place where I would submerge myself in your world. I was just walking past you in a store, and I honestly didn't care what song represented your personality/outfit that day. I cared a lot more about hearing the episode of CSI that I was watching in the background. Yes, I could have just muted you, but at the point when people have to mute you to be in the same room for any length of time, the point of projecting your theme song into the world is definitely lost.

Submit your virtual etiquette dilemmas to ophelia.iris [at] gmail [dot] com, or submit anonymously to the Metaverse Manners Formspring.  Be sure to include a pseudonym (i.e. "WTF from the Welcome Area") so you know when I'm addressing your query!

Iris Ophelia (Janine Hawkins IRL) has been featured in the New York Times and has spoken about SL-based design at the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan and with pop culture/fashion maven Johanna Blakley.

Comments

[MIstletoe]

Thank you for posting the link to that dramastorm. Whew! I haven't decided if I'm glad I hardly ever use voice, or if I wish I used it more often now.

[Arwyn Quandry]

Thanks for posting this, Iris! I've found that there's a lot less voice chat since I came over to the Main Grid. On the Teen Grid it was near constant, everyone voice chatted and blaring music over it was commonplace. Sometimes I actually like hearing people talking on it in public, I find it interesting in a voyeuristic type of way. Other times, no thanks.

[Uccello]

Of the several aspects of Voice that I find annoying the biggest one is that Voice users frequently forget that Chat-only users are present. I'll be at an event or a meeting, listening diligently, but when I type in my two-cents-worth it is often ignored. The Voice users stop looking at the Second Life screen. I'm an RL mute and I communicate via American Sign Language or by writing on my iPad/iPod in RL. I might as well be doing the same in Second Life.

[Orca Flotta]

Voice was the worst "invention" ever brought into SL. Not only does it eat bandwith and takes the magic out of SL, no, it creates problems and drama since many voicers are incredibly unfriendly and intolerant. Same goes for watching TV while playing in SL. No wonder the same people are trying to explain their various slip-ups with the simple excuse they're suffering from ADHD. Now think twice and find out how come you became a ADHD in the first place.

[rawst berry]

Uccello, that is depressing. I am not deaf, but I notice the exact same thing as you. I keep voice off because I find it annoying, and half the time when I do have it on people's mics are so crappy that what they say is unintelligible. People who use voice ignore everyone on local chat. Even if they can see you don't have a dot over your head, they will prattle on and no one bothers to inform you there's talking over voice. I find this extremely rude, but no one else I've met sees a problem with it or they deny it.

when this happens to me, I just leave. I know it doesn't bother them any; they ignore me when I'm around, so what's it to them if I'm gone? But I'd rather be alone than surrounded by idiots.