Reddit's /AskWomen: Awesome Virtual Community Helping Men Understand Women, One Clueless Question at a Time

/AskWomen, as the title suggests, is a virtual community where Reddit users can pseudonymously ask women their opinion on any imaginable subject, and thanks to that and the way it's moderated, it's become one of the best online communities for both men and women. We write a lot about how sexism has poisoned online culture (as here, and here) -- /AskWomen can and should become an important part of the cure.

How? For starters, because questions are asked through Reddit pseudonyms, anyone (mostly males, to judge by the questions) can pose a query without too much fear of embarrassment -- and because women on Reddit can reply through their own pseudonyms, they're able to give honest answers in relative safety. To amplify this advantage, /AskWomen's moderation rules prohibit (and remove) sexist user comments, which further encourages women to feel secure enough to share their full, unvarnished opinions. And as with all of Reddit, the Upvote/Downvote mechanic naturally pushes higher quality comments toward the top (and vice versa).

As you'd probably guess, with Reddit's user community skewing young, much of the /AskWomen questions are about sex and dating (and yes, penis size), but that's also one of its core values. A lot of online sexism seems to stem from very young men who feel confused, intimidated, and frustrated by the dark mysteries of dating, which often boils over into resentment. By its very nature, a virtual community like /AskWomen helps clear up much of that mystery, and hopefully, replace resentment with empathy. (For women, too, it must be enlightening to realize just how confused men can be on so many topics that seem common sense to them.)

So for instance, take this recent /AskWomen question: "If you're attractive, is sex as easily available as some claim? (If so) How does that impact your view of sex?" Most men, I think it's fair to say, assume it is easy for attractive women; but without pseudonymous identity, it's unlikely they'd ever get an honest answer online. So here, attractive women provide many answers, and they're probably what most men were not expecting. For instance, this answer, from ♀icantbebotheredd:

I'm 23 and probably a solid 8.5/10. I used to be obese, so I am very aware of the differences of being a hot/ugly girl... The reason why there's a trope of bitchy hot girls is not because you, random guy, are a worthless, awful human being, but because she's had so many ... losers? come up to her, and she's bracing herself for another one. It's not personal, she's just sick of the same bullshit, and she just assumes you are the same.

Or this answer from drMoonshine:

Because of all this attention, real connection doesn't feel real. I feel like all guys see me as is a piece of meat. An object. I automatically ignore all cat calls and attention I get, and ignore or shoot down guys that try anything with me. That way, I have probably shot down really good guys as well. I find it very difficult to find someone, simply because it's overwhelming. I've tried the online dating thing, and I got so many messages that it was a lot of work and time to go through them, and kept snowballing, so I gave up on it.

A lot of men likely go through life resentful of women rejecting their advances, without a chance to realize what it's like to be the target of them -- but thanks to the way /AskWomen is architected, they can finally find out.

This isn't to say /AskWomen is just dry and serious reading, because it's an actual, vibrant community, now with over 150,000 subscribers. "What's the weirdest thing a guy has said to you on a date?" is a lot of fun (and occasionally hair-raising) and currently at the top, and related to what Iris and I write about often, this question, "What is your favorite video game?" is a huge thread confirming that, yes, a lot of women play hardcore games. And if more game communities operated like /AskWomen, I kind of think even more women would.

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[Arcadia Codesmith]

I hope it resonates and has real impact on the culture. We're not an alien species, and we don't exist to make your life miserable (unless you're ganking at the rez point, in which case you desever to be designated for sniper practice).