Iris Wants to Know: What Are the Best (And Worst) Ways to Approach Others in Second Life?

Janine "Iris Ophelia" Hawkins' ongoing review of gaming and virtual world style

Last week I covered a great blog post from Canary Beck about the Dos and Don'ts of approaching women in Second Life. Although there's a lot of practical advice in both posts, it does only cover one shade of the Second Life dating spectrum. As NWN commenter Merc put it:

I can assure you, men avatars in SL have also the very same creepy approaches by women avatars, no difference. For example, as the reverse of the blogger's statement, me, as a male avatar, the unsolicited IMs I receive typically come from females. And trust me, with the same type of eyebrow-raising communication. As the blogger writes about how men don't believe that you don't feel lonely when sitting on the beach alone, women avatars, just like that, don't believe that a man avatar doesn't want to be seduced every time they are addressed.

It's true, especially if you take even an ounce of care with customizing your avatar. Even in the brief time I've spent with a male avatar on I remember receiving proposals and propositions completely out of nowhere, with almost as much frequency as I received them while wearing my everyday female avatar. But of course I've never spent a significant amount of time presenting as a man in Second Life. Even when I wore that male avatar, my account name and profile were unchanged, so I'm far from qualified to speak to the experiences of those who spend all their time in SL as a member of the sometimes-scruffier sex.

That's why I want to hear from those of you proudly sporting male avs in SL: What are the best and worst ways that someone could approach (or has approached) you in the virtual world? And if you have a non-binary (or even non-human) avatar, I want to hear from you too! As I said, there's a very broad spectrum of possibilities in SL, and mine and Canary's experiences only cover a sliver of it.

As ever, share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Janine Hawkins (@bleatingheart on Twitter, Iris Ophelia in Second Life) has been writing about virtual worlds and video games for nearly a decade, and has had her work featured on Paste, Kotaku, Jezebel and The Mary Sue.

Comments

[bradley gazov]

It is true that us fellas get hit upon, and sometimes it's quite comical. My all time favorite went like this:

Fem Avi: You look good in those tight jeans, how about you wall me for a while and we have some fun.

me: Uh, thank you, but I don't think my partner is going to like that idea too much.

Fem Avi: Aww, you don't have to tell her about it, I certainly won't!

Me: well, you just did. My sl is my rl and she's standing over my shoulder laughing right now!

after that it was total silence! LOL!

[Ares Shoreland]

I have to say that I have a really good looking and unique avatar. I perfected him over the years. I used to recieve messages from women being very flirtatious upfront, and in two lines they would be talking about dating and sex. I am gay, so even if I didn't like to do it, i had to put on my profile that I was gay, and then the harassment stopped. I only get this kind of messages from males if they come from a gay group I'm on. Like with females, a hi is sometimes enough to know their intentions. I'm actually not into SL dating, so it's kind of weird to me.

[Arwyn Quandry]

I'm the proud owner of an extremely attractive male avatar who I used almost exclusively for two years. My profile also mentioned that I roleplayed as a gay submissive. I don't hang out in a lot of your typical creepy IM places like clubs, but I have gotten a few, especially when on gay-centered sims. Women mostly creepily fetishized me like some kind of doll, and the guys were overly assertive, like they expected me to go along with whatever they wanted. I get very few creepy IMs as a woman, so it was interesting to start getting them as a guy.

My straight-playing and also rather attractive male friend recently mentioned that when he started playing on a particular roleplaying sim, he got lots of girls in his IMs flirting with him. They're not creepy, according to him, just interested in playing with him. Given the sim is focused on male dominant/female submissive roleplay, and there are always fewer guys than girls, I guess I can understand.

[milly]

My advice is make a genuine comment. Read the profile, some people don't have much in their profiles (fill them out people!) and see if there's somethig in common or different.

Haven't looked at my profile in a bit but I think I say to IM me (I'm open to conversation) and I try to change my profile up. I have some vague references to Gaurdians of the GAlaxy and also The Tick (it's kind of a mash up) and then also my favorite bad movie listed. As well as my flickr page and other stuff like that.

Bad annoying IMs- "Sex me" or (blech blech) "be my slave" -in a non BDSM setting. Not that there's anything wrong with BDSM or being a slave but it shouldn't be the first thing you say to someone.

Good -"You like bad movies? Have you seen...insert movie here" or "Does such and such refer to whatever"

With the "Hi! then the line"

Or even making a geniune compliment about my look or an accessory - I have some geeky related stuff and if you can say something about that good. Or "nice antlers" (If I'm wearing them).

And a lot of times I've had a quick conversation and that's all.

Try to get to know someone. Sometimes it takes awhile to go for first talk to a person to being friends or more.

[Shockwave Yareach]

Flirting is fun. I don't mind flirting a bit. However, I'm a cautious creature and quickies just aren't my thing. Even if I wasn't spoken for in SL ( I am ) I wasn't interested in being anyone's master or the gor lifestyle or capture sims. I'm inworld to build and to socialize, and some witty repartee is fun and will keep me engaged. Asking me to $sexpose you 3 minutes into a conversation may seem exciting if your a sixteen year old boy, but the excitement ends as quickly as it began.