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Tuesday, September 06, 2016


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I don't separate physical and emotional infidelity. I see no justification for rationalizing a virtual relationship. Cheating is cheating. It's your business how you conduct your life, and sugarcoating is your prerogative.
However, I wouldn't have a virtual relationship while in a first life one. That's just me, and my opinion.

Jalynne Ohmai

Not everyone believes in serial monogamy in either world. Not everyone is happy with the societal norm of 'one partner at a time'. There are those of us who are truly happier in a poly-amorous family and if all those involved know and are agreeable and find ways to make it work for them...I don't see where it's anyone else's business to be up in. There is no infidelity, physical, emotional, virtual, or otherwise, without deception.

Scarp Godenot

This is a really interesting issue, Hamlet, and I'm glad you posted this. I actually know quite a few who are polyamourous in Second Life.

What needs to be said, is that sexuality and love is manifested in so many ways due to the ubiquity of internet gateways for this.

Mostly those I know are RL couples who BOTH have virtual love relationships. Not always sexual in nature, but always love. Their RL spouses are fully on board.

Who are we to judge other adults who this works for? Religious prudery notwithstanding. These people have their own personal moral codes, and being adults, these codes should be respected by all of us.

Who knows better than those involved about the dynamics of this?

I myself have a friend or two in Second Life who have sincere relationships with me bordering on love, though I don't act on it. Virtual relationships are real. This point needs to be stated over and over again until those who don't understand it yet can come to terms with this simple fact.

Roslin Petion

I just want to make it clear to those who aren't able to access the original post, many of the folks who discussed juggling both we're sharing what goes in in their ethically non-monogamous relationships (or polyamorous, depending on which term you prefer). By it's very definition, ethical monogamy involves open communication between ALL partners, that means letting both your SL and offline partners know that you are with other people. Cheating is when you are involved with people and one or both partners are not aware.

Now, if you want to judge ethical non-monogamy or polyamory as wrong, feel free to do so, but at least be aware, it is NOT cheating.

Adeon Writer

SL is not separate - I hate when people say that. Being on the internet doesn't make things not real. Neither SL. If you want to /ignore/ the real person because it's in Second Life, you can do that. It doesn't make it not real, it doesn't make them not a real person, and it doesn't make the relationship not real.

Clara Seller

I've abandoned that SL relationship stuff for years. It just wasn't worth it for me. I was never looking for a RL happy ending from SL. It always seemed like an unnecessarily difficult path to pursue a RL connection that begins with wearing a mask, communication barriers, and a proximity lottery. I still feel that there's a certain Cinderella factor about people who expect their Prince Charming to dig through such barriers just to prove to them that they are the hidden gem they need to believe they are.


It would be awesome to find someone in sl that didn't care about my first life and just cared about what I was typing in sl or doing in sl. I'm not married just I'm somewhat well known musician that just wants to have a private life in sl with someone. It's hard too I have to never speak or it gives away who I am. People guess easily when playing online games. I've been searching for things people seem to easily find in SL.


I have been with my wife for years- we moved from a now defunct Virtual World to Second Life and are extremely happy- We adore each other and never cheat-----SL provides us with the ability to be together- but even without SL we would find another home----


I am struggling so hard with this topic right now in my relationship!! He wants to have me in RL and others in SL and I just cannot wrap my head around it!! I'm sorry but I feel it is wrong to have to different partners. I understand to a point but not when there is an emotional attached to both RL and SL!


I'm with someone in SL who is married IRL and he claims she knows and is fine with it. Which is fine with me if she does know. However, as much of my RL as I'm willing to share with him, he refuses to share his with me. Though I have no problems with that intellectually; emotionally I believe he has something to hide, or that he's lying. I think it's insecurity on my part, but it eats at me. I'm single myself.

I was raised in a religious household and tradition that stressed monogamy. I realized that, and I don't hold with that. Habits are hard to break, though. I have feelings for him, he says he has feelings for me, but I still feel odd about being The Other Woman (ooooooh hiss) even if virtually.

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