« Linden Lab So Responsive to SL User Feedback That The Company Won't Fix a "Bug" That the Community Has Turned Into a Feature, Says Linden Vet | Main | Cajsa’s Second Life Flickr Pick: Whimsy Winx, Whimsical Storyteller »

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Gingir Ghoststar

The statement "turned off because they stand out more" misses the mark. It should be "turned off because the minute most of these males hear a female voice they either become confrontational or creepy mccreepster". It's pretty universal for any game that has voice capability. It has gotten a bit better in the last few years but not by much. Outing yourself as a female in most of these voice-enabled VWs or games tends to be more hassle and annoyance than anything else. At least that is my experience and the experience of many female gamers that I know. Even inside SecondLife if you go to many of these info hubs where people hang out to voice chat, it's pretty much a similar experience.

Wagner James Au

Yes very good point, it's definitely a pervasive problem.

Night on Gale St.

Concerning the abusive father video:

Guys like her dad are emotionally, immature bullies. Oddly, it's not necessarily personal though; they will treat anyone that way, if they allow him to. I'm speaking about her mother here.

After years of staying in a toxic situation, targets of abuse lose self-respect, confidence and self-esteem, but by staying there, she's a punching bag and an emotional dumpster. That's what the kids see. It's optional though.

Sadly, the girl is already logging into a world where she repeatedly tolerates bad behavior from people/guys. Why?

Although it received giggles, Kermit attempts to grope her. People will overstep until they are stopped and if no one shows kids how to stop it, how are they supposed to know? Her tolerances are different than someone with self-respect. Her female role model a.k.a mom doesn't know how to show her. We should see red flags when a girl logs into a world like that knowing what is likely to happen.

The girl is reaching out for help by telling her story. You listened. It's very nice, but it's also enabling. She has learned that by telling her story, she is rewarded by being labeled as strong. She also receives pity, attention and admiration, but nothing actually changes. Just positive reinforcement for the current situation and no motivation to change. She is very competent and bright, but her actions are different than her words: Dad's behavior is wrong, mom needs saved and I'm logging into a virtual world full of wrong behavior.

She is vulnerable and sharing with strangers over the internet. How likely is it that she's going to receive the help she needs there?

It's not the girl's fault. This is a learned behavior. In parental abusive relationships or any abusive, toxic relationship, there has to be an abuser and someone that stays and accepts that abuse. That's the cycle. Her mom can end it though.

If you are a doormat, don't be surprised when you are used by people with dirty shoes. If your back is bent, people are going to ride it.
Get up, dust yourself off, turn on your heel, remove yourself and your kids from the situation.

Learn and figure out why you are worthy of being treated with respect. There is no class for this in school. You have to actively do the work, search and research what your boundaries and tolerances are and stick to them.

Please, be an adult and set an example for your children and leave. You are not at the mercy of forces greater than yourself. You are the greatest force for you and if you have kids, it's not just about you anymore. You are legally responsible for removing your kids from danger. Why should a child have to feel like she has to save her mother? Why is a mother, supposedly a responsible adult, not held accountable for her actions and a kid feels compelled to save her? Isn't that co-dependency?

It's hard to leave, but not impossible. There are no chains; Only the chains someone volunteers to wear. Mom needs help from a professional and so does the child otherwise, this pattern will repeat. It already is.

Any reason or justification for staying in a house with flying objects, verbal, emotional and animal abuse are excuses. Making excuses to remain in a dangerous behavior is just enabling it. It's better to leave and sleep on cots in a shelter than stay and tolerate his behavior.


I'm speaking from experience. Don't give till it hurts. Don't lose yourself to be loved. Learn how and WHY to love yourself first. Happy, healthy people do not want, need or ask you to forfeit your needs, rights, preferences or boundaries for them.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

Wagner James Au VR MMO blog New World Notes
Sinespace Unity MMO
Ample Avi  SL avatars
Tableau_SL_Nylon_pinkney
Click to visit Nylon Pinkey's many fashion brands in Second Life: Nylon Outfitters, Golden Years, Wrigglesworth Residence, Yummy, and Art Nails
my site ... ... ...