Watch: Syrmor's First Interview With a Female VRChat Player, a Brazilian Girl Yearning for a Better Life

In this latest VRChat interview by Syrmor, the social VR world's best embedded reporter, Kermit the Frog and Winnie the Pooh interview an anime girl about life in Brazil -- and wrenchingly, about her home life full of violence and abuse. (At one point, you literally hear some of that, coming in from her headphones.) The frog and the bear are Syrmor and his friend Dawabvle chat, and -- for the first time in his interview series -- the anime girl is actually a girl IRL, a techie Brazilian who yearns to leave her country and abusive father.

Syrmor tells me roughly 1 in 10 players he meets in VRChat are female in real life, if that. 

"It's just that VRChat is really disproportionately male," as he puts it to me. "Part of it is sort of this circle where since VRChat is already mostly male some female players are turned off from playing since they stand out more."

I kind of suspect most female players in VRChat simply don't use VOIP, to avoid the kind of abuse VRChat the company has been struggling to curb.

In any case, I'm glad this one talked with Syrmor, and hope talking with him helps her into a better living situation.

Read my full profile of Syrmor, a Toronto-based videographer, here.

Comments

[Gingir Ghoststar]

The statement "turned off because they stand out more" misses the mark. It should be "turned off because the minute most of these males hear a female voice they either become confrontational or creepy mccreepster". It's pretty universal for any game that has voice capability. It has gotten a bit better in the last few years but not by much. Outing yourself as a female in most of these voice-enabled VWs or games tends to be more hassle and annoyance than anything else. At least that is my experience and the experience of many female gamers that I know. Even inside SecondLife if you go to many of these info hubs where people hang out to voice chat, it's pretty much a similar experience.

[Wagner James Au]

Yes very good point, it's definitely a pervasive problem.

[Night on Gale St.]

Concerning the abusive father video:

Guys like her dad are emotionally, immature bullies. Oddly, it's not necessarily personal though; they will treat anyone that way, if they allow him to. I'm speaking about her mother here.

After years of staying in a toxic situation, targets of abuse lose self-respect, confidence and self-esteem, but by staying there, she's a punching bag and an emotional dumpster. That's what the kids see. It's optional though.

Sadly, the girl is already logging into a world where she repeatedly tolerates bad behavior from people/guys. Why?

Although it received giggles, Kermit attempts to grope her. People will overstep until they are stopped and if no one shows kids how to stop it, how are they supposed to know? Her tolerances are different than someone with self-respect. Her female role model a.k.a mom doesn't know how to show her. We should see red flags when a girl logs into a world like that knowing what is likely to happen.

The girl is reaching out for help by telling her story. You listened. It's very nice, but it's also enabling. She has learned that by telling her story, she is rewarded by being labeled as strong. She also receives pity, attention and admiration, but nothing actually changes. Just positive reinforcement for the current situation and no motivation to change. She is very competent and bright, but her actions are different than her words: Dad's behavior is wrong, mom needs saved and I'm logging into a virtual world full of wrong behavior.

She is vulnerable and sharing with strangers over the internet. How likely is it that she's going to receive the help she needs there?

It's not the girl's fault. This is a learned behavior. In parental abusive relationships or any abusive, toxic relationship, there has to be an abuser and someone that stays and accepts that abuse. That's the cycle. Her mom can end it though.

If you are a doormat, don't be surprised when you are used by people with dirty shoes. If your back is bent, people are going to ride it.
Get up, dust yourself off, turn on your heel, remove yourself and your kids from the situation.

Learn and figure out why you are worthy of being treated with respect. There is no class for this in school. You have to actively do the work, search and research what your boundaries and tolerances are and stick to them.

Please, be an adult and set an example for your children and leave. You are not at the mercy of forces greater than yourself. You are the greatest force for you and if you have kids, it's not just about you anymore. You are legally responsible for removing your kids from danger. Why should a child have to feel like she has to save her mother? Why is a mother, supposedly a responsible adult, not held accountable for her actions and a kid feels compelled to save her? Isn't that co-dependency?

It's hard to leave, but not impossible. There are no chains; Only the chains someone volunteers to wear. Mom needs help from a professional and so does the child otherwise, this pattern will repeat. It already is.

Any reason or justification for staying in a house with flying objects, verbal, emotional and animal abuse are excuses. Making excuses to remain in a dangerous behavior is just enabling it. It's better to leave and sleep on cots in a shelter than stay and tolerate his behavior.

I'm speaking from experience. Don't give till it hurts. Don't lose yourself to be loved. Learn how and WHY to love yourself first. Happy, healthy people do not want, need or ask you to forfeit your needs, rights, preferences or boundaries for them.